How It Should Be…

“The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.” -unknown

When you love someone without a shadow of a doubt all their flaws and imperfections don’t really matter so much. What matters is the smile on their face, you work together through thick and thin, and you hold the other up when they can’t do it themselves. You push each other, you encourage each other, you compromise when need be and most importantly you make each other cry from laughing so much. It shouldn’t be forced it should flow, you shouldn’t have to force yourself to love the other it should come naturally. Distance isn’t an issue because at the end of the day you have each other. Nothing is ever perfect but that’s the beauty of it. All the imperfections make them exceptional in every way.

If that person is worth fighting for then you put your all into the fight and without hesitation. There really shouldn’t be that question in either person’s mind of whether or not the other is worth it. It should be automatic. It should be without faltering and without stutter. 

Is it then something we all find? I believe we do. We just need to open our eyes to what is right in front of our faces and realize that what we have is not nearly as important as those we have. 

A person who undoubtedly loves you will be content simply talking with you about everything and nothing. Laugh and cry. Good times and bad times. They will stand next to you, not in front or behind. You are a team. 

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All Things Considered…

With all the things I’ve seen going on in the news, around the world, and with myself I’ve been thinking about this….

You never know what is going on in someone else’s life. You never know if that negative you just said to them or at them was the push that shoved them over the edge. You never know if that compliment or positive comment just saved them from that jump. Perhaps that hug just stopped an anxiety attack. Maybe the smile you just gave at that random person just made their whole day lift. Perhaps your advice just helped a person take a step in the right direction for the first time in who knows how long even if that advice was hard to hear. Maybe standing up for yourself or someone else encouraged another to do the same.

Consider your actions, words, and the effect you can have on someone.

Not everything is peachy, and not everything is so damn depressing.

We all need someone at some point, I feel as though thats simply human nature. We are not; as unfortunate as it is, able to read minds. You can’t assume you’re friends or family know when something is wrong with you if you don’t let them in or ask them to talk. Its a line of communication you have to open.

We all assume too much and communicate too little. I have done this to friends and family and vice versa.

No one is perfect. We are all human, simply trying to get through our day to day. Live in the moment and try not to let life break us down completely yet try and allow it to raise us up.

We aren’t perfect. We can aim for progress rather than perfection. That to me is a step in the right direction.

Instead of becoming pissed off that someone isn’t talking to you and assuming everything under the sun consider asking them whats going on in their lives. Ask them if they are upset with you. It could be that they simply are caught up in their day to day and its not that they have forgotten about you or dislike you in any way shape or form. Instead of being mad THEY didn’t take that first step to communicate why don’t YOU? What’s stopped you from picking up the phone and doing exactly what you’ve wanted that other person to do?

Make the action. Put in an effort. Don’t take everything so personally and open those lines of communication. All things considered it could be worse so why not start the beginning of something better?

 

 

(the photo above is a photo I took on a hiking trail in Fort Collins, Colorado in Fall 2014)

New Journey, New Me. Here’s to 25!

I’ve recently decided to start truly focusing on myself and figure out what it is exactly that I want to do in this life. I just recently turned 25 (April 10th-aries in the hizzzouuussseee 😂) which oddly enough I feel older and yet younger than my actual age….is that normal? Until this point I’ve always felt older never younger…ohhh I also decided to say I’m on level 25…it just sounds much more exciting and I’m a super nerd who loves gaming so there’s that too 😆

Anyways…

I’m beginning to want things more, not necessarily in a material type aspect but I want more quality life experiences… I want to grow as an individual, I want more knowledge, I want a companion whose walking with me not in front or behind me. I want a family and to build a foundation I am proud of. I want to explore and I believe I’m beginning to crave wanderlust. I feel as though the first 25 years of my life have gone by in a flash and while I know I took some things for granted I want to do more with the time I do have and appreciate more. Relax more. Smile and laugh more. Let go of the shit I can’t control and dive deep into this craziness and chaos we call “LIFE”. 

I want to stop waiting around for people. I let myself get caught up in what I think love should be like and wait. I am always waiting and I am done with it. I’ve always been the one to wait and to chase. Never have I had someone chase me back like I do. (Not in a creepy crazy person way, more like I get caught up in the person I love and I am almost always let down.) I need to just go do things on my own and make my life more fulfilled MY way by doing what makes me happiest. 

I will be hiking more this year, to new places I’ve never been and I have decided if I do it alone then I will see how far I am willing to go to challenge myself. (Pictures, location, and my experience will definitely be documented in case anyone wants to go to these places too.) I will be camping more this year. (Again, I will make sure to give reviews of camp site(s) and experiences plus pictures)

I am not just going to let time pass as I watch and expect something to happen that simply won’t without my own action. Ive sat on the side lines for too long. I’ve been reserved for too long. 25 is my year. Its my year to find out exactly who Rikki is and see the world with eyes wide open. 

I am going to my first Reiki class in June and will be level 1 certified after. I know I’ll probably love it and I have an amazing teacher. I will be going until I become a Reiki Master. I need school. As I said I’m craving knowledge and I am doing A LOT of internal healing from years of burdens and with the knowledge I’ll recieve I will be able to heal not only myself more effectively but also help others heal in so many ways. 

I love helping people and animals so this form of healing will be quite beneficial not only for myself but with work, friends, and family as well. I work with many special needs dogs. I call them special needs because they need more than other dogs. Perhaps they need trust building due to past abuse, or they need a grounded, firm, yet gentle human who won’t allow them to act like a jerk and expect them to behave accordingly. What I do makes me passionate about rehabilitation in all things; human, animal, even plants. So learning even more about energy and chakras I feel I’ll make an even bigger impact on my clients and future clients.

So here’s to 25 and beginning my life.

All Questions with No Answers

Is it not true that when someone hurts you most people wish for revenge or that the other person recieves karma?

Have you ever asked yourself how much cruelty one man or woman can take? How much hurt do you need to inflict before you realize all thats happening is take take take. 

What if some people have nothing left to give so fear set in and takes over any and all pieces that once let them give?

Punishment is appropriate for crimes and wrong doings but how can one recieve punishment when there is no conversation about when it will end or when we can begin healing?

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself if thats enough? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself everyday, are you good enough? Only to have a demon smile in the back telling you “no” so that way you remain pinned down so broken not sure you could ever be whole.

Let me tell you its a feeling that can’t be undone. Its a feeling of torture within yourself. When you are so hard on yourself and feel like the world will probably cave in. What do you do when you are drowning and there is no boat yet you’re still kicking trying to stay afloat. The people you love most can’t reach you and the one who can, just won’t.

How much can one person take before they simply stop trying all together? Believing this is the last time they’ll have to fight only for there to be three others times to fall to pieces.

The heart can grow cold and shut down. Numbness sets in. How weird is it when all you want is to feel and yet you cant feel the warmth of any touch. Have you ever asked yourself if this is worth all its supposed to be? If you cut out the bullshit am I the woman I am meant to be? Are you the man whose supposed to love me unconditionally?

You can give me no answer because the answer I seek is an action not a word. I am in shambles, leaving scattered pieces of myself all over the ground. Inflicted wounds on both sides and yet I still carry hope. I’d fight the toughest demons just to know why I am not whole. 

I wish I knew what you were thinking but thats not the point is it…the key here is to keep me guessing, keep me thinking , but perhaps there is no reason at all and I am simply overthinking.

Anxiety Attack in Process…

So I decided I was going to write a post in the midst of an anxiety/panic attack. This is pretty difficult I wont lie. Mostly because I’m crying but also because I have no idea what set this off. We were watching a movie and I started to breath heavy, short breaths. I have so many things running through my head and I truly just want to be ok. The weight and pressure I feel on my chest, back, shoulders and stomach. I feel like I can barely breath. 

The only things I can focus on that keeps popping into my head are how I feel invisible,I’m crazy, this is ridiculous, why is this happening, am I crazy, I’m worthless, I can do better than this, am i the right one, could he do better, why am I not pursuing bigger career goals, will I ever get my dream, why do I give so much and always think people will love me bavk the way I love them, I could be a better daughter and sister, am I not pushing myself enough, I never do enough, why dont I say how I feel all the time,is this how I’ll be forever etc. Theres even more than that I just am giving the quickest examples. 

I feel helpless, sad, scared, mad, ridiculous, and dumb. 

This isn’t a joke and its not something I’d wish in another living person. Even though I know a lot of this isnt the case it doesn’t matter. When you deal with this all at once you feel completely irrational and everything you think is valid. I’m not even sure this makes any sense at all. 

I want to show how real this is. How it affects your mind and body and give an insight into these mental health issues. Sometimes the words are hard to find. Sometimes I truly just need human touch. Right now its 11:58pm and I need a hug more than you could imagine but Ty is asleep and I don’t want to wake him up for something like this. He hates when I have these moments. I don’t blame him I hate them too. I wonder if I will ruin this…I typed exactly what popped into my head after I wrote “..I don’t blame him…”. I go completely negative mental state. 

I really really hope and pray this doesn’t last too much longer. 

I know I am not mentaly strong enough to deal with another 10-15 hour episode….

Meeting Kodi

kodi blue panda

I’d like to introduce my little man, my favorite snuggle bug, and the little soul I get to love on every day. This is Koderous Von Lichtenstein, Kodi for short because his full name is absolutely ridiculous and I love it. He just turned 6 this year 🙂 Yes! He is in fact dyed like a blue panda right now. NO it is NOT cruel NOR does it hurt him. I am a professional and know how to do these dyed techniques. It is safe for his skin, hair, and health. I would not harm any animal. I used PET SAFE dye.

(Manic Panic is ok to use on pets there are also other pet safe dyes out there as well as food coloring. I recommend finding a professional if you use manic panic, food coloring is ok at home though.)

**I will warn you food coloring can rub off on light surfaces so apply at your own risk**

This little dude is such a character and is sometimes too smart for his own good. He is a Schnauzer. (Both of his parents were schnauzers but I believe he is a schnoodle- schnauzer poodle mix.) Not because he is white–yes there are in fact white schnauzers– but more so because his coat is not like a typical schnauzer its very poodle like. Either way I like to mess with my clients and tell a select few that he is a very rare albino schnauzer. I crack up and fess up that he is just a plain old schnauzer but their reaction is HILARIOUS.

Funny story though: I actually had someone who had just adopted a schnoodle try and inform me that someone had told her there were white schnauzers but she knew that there is no such thing as a white schnauzer. I giggled and  then informed her that there is such a thing and I own one. She looked quite embarrassed . I got a kick out of it.

So this little dude is pretty smart but kind of a douche bag. Don’t get me wrong I love my dog like he is my child. I can read this dog like a book. He can dance, sit, shake with both front paws, he can high five with both front paws (he knows the difference between a high five and shake), and is excellent at calming me down when I have anxiety or a panic attack. He was never trained to assist with those he just naturally does it. It always blows my mind when he just knows that I need someone. I don’t believe I will ever have a stronger connection with any other dog I will own. I am not kidding when I say I love my dog like my child. I would fuck someone up if they messed with my dog. Momma Bear would come out and it would NOT be pretty. That being said my dog is an asshole. He is leash aggressive. I got him when he just turned one and I have never been able to break this habit unfortunately. He is also a barker. Not all the time but he’ll letchya know when someone comes in the house. He has broken 3 bark collars. Yes you read that correctly THREE FRICKEN BARK COLLARS! He will get them all up to the highest setting of shock and keep going. I HATE the bark collars but I tried them to see if they would work. They don’t. He actually managed to loosen ALL the wiring in one just from shaking his head. I’m tellin ya he is too smart sometimes.

I tell people he has doggie tourrets and they seem to understand. I am not by any means “making fun” of people who do have tourrets at all. I genuinely believe my dog has a form of doggie tourrets. I am not sure that it’s even a thing but Kodi proves it very well could be. He will sometimes bark at nothing even after you tell him to stop. He legitimately can not help it. He even closes his eyes after he does it as if hes saying “oh shit sorry!!!” I typically ignore it because I am so used to it at this point but it does get annoying. He is a terrier-ist( haha get it terrorist, terrier-ist lol sorry bad groomer joke). As much as I hate to say it if I hadn’t taken him I think he would’ve hoped from home to home because he has those bad tendencies. I love the little dude even with his flaws. He brings a smile to my day even if he caused the frown in the first place. I firmly believe your adopting of a pet is a life time commitment. You made them a part of your family it is YOUR responsibility to keep them in your family and to care for them. They didn’t get a choice. They don’t have a voice. Its your job as their guardian to be just that a guardian. 

 

Anyways, that my little duder. He normally has a full body mohawk but I decided we’d grow him out and per my boyfriend’s request he became a panda. Blue was not the initial choice but I couldn’t get my hands on black dye.

 

An Avocado: Yay or Nay?! Part 2

avo-part-two

Ok so a little while back I began my random test of eating an avocado a day for a couple months to see if I notice any difference in my complexion, hair, and any overall changes within my body to see if there is an actual difference. 

 

Results after approximately 26 days:

  • My hair has become noticeably thicker!
  • My hair has a bit more shine to it
  • My skin all over is a little bit softer
  • I still LOVE avocados
  • I have discovered a new way (for me anyways) to eat them

So I have since been to see my hair stylist about a week ago now and she immediately asked me if I started taking vitamins for hair,skin, and nails or biotin. I told her no and explained I had been eating an avocado a day for about a month and asked if that could make such a noticeable change. She said YES! Both of us were super excited because while I have a lot of hair its thin and for it to thicken up a decent amount in such a short amount of time with something so simple is pretty fucking awesome. Also I don’t “shed” nearly as much. I have always had a decent shine to my hair and have always received compliments for it but  it now has an even better shine which is nice. My skin all over my body has also become a bit more soft. I’m not sure that this is due to the avocados or the fact that I have started to put on almond oil before bed vs. my regular favorite lotion but either way I can tell my skin is much much softer. Perhaps its a combination of the two….most likely the case.

I have been asked if I have gotten sick of eating avocados yet and my answer is NO WAY JOSE!!!! While I have had a day here and there where it was a bit difficult to eat I discovered a new way to eat them to just throw in a change up for myself. 

Avocado Change up:

add lemon juice, a dash of salt, and a hint of pepper. (for spicy: added a TOUCH of cayenne pepper)

Ok, I know… while it seems like a no brainer, HELLO RIKKI OBVIOUSLY THAT’S THE START OF GUACAMOLE, I didn’t think to add that but man oh man mixing those things together in the casing of the avocado and just eating it like that it was AMAZING!!!! Definitely a new favorite. So all in all, my results thus far…..

 

IT WORKS!!!!! 

 

***if you decide to try this out as well please consult a doctor if you have any medical issues or concerns. Also please send me your results, I’d love to hear what other people discover too!***