New Journey, New Me. Here’s to 25!

I’ve recently decided to start truly focusing on myself and figure out what it is exactly that I want to do in this life. I just recently turned 25 (April 10th-aries in the hizzzouuussseee 😂) which oddly enough I feel older and yet younger than my actual age….is that normal? Until this point I’ve always felt older never younger…ohhh I also decided to say I’m on level 25…it just sounds much more exciting and I’m a super nerd who loves gaming so there’s that too 😆

Anyways…

I’m beginning to want things more, not necessarily in a material type aspect but I want more quality life experiences… I want to grow as an individual, I want more knowledge, I want a companion whose walking with me not in front or behind me. I want a family and to build a foundation I am proud of. I want to explore and I believe I’m beginning to crave wanderlust. I feel as though the first 25 years of my life have gone by in a flash and while I know I took some things for granted I want to do more with the time I do have and appreciate more. Relax more. Smile and laugh more. Let go of the shit I can’t control and dive deep into this craziness and chaos we call “LIFE”. 

I want to stop waiting around for people. I let myself get caught up in what I think love should be like and wait. I am always waiting and I am done with it. I’ve always been the one to wait and to chase. Never have I had someone chase me back like I do. (Not in a creepy crazy person way, more like I get caught up in the person I love and I am almost always let down.) I need to just go do things on my own and make my life more fulfilled MY way by doing what makes me happiest. 

I will be hiking more this year, to new places I’ve never been and I have decided if I do it alone then I will see how far I am willing to go to challenge myself. (Pictures, location, and my experience will definitely be documented in case anyone wants to go to these places too.) I will be camping more this year. (Again, I will make sure to give reviews of camp site(s) and experiences plus pictures)

I am not just going to let time pass as I watch and expect something to happen that simply won’t without my own action. Ive sat on the side lines for too long. I’ve been reserved for too long. 25 is my year. Its my year to find out exactly who Rikki is and see the world with eyes wide open. 

I am going to my first Reiki class in June and will be level 1 certified after. I know I’ll probably love it and I have an amazing teacher. I will be going until I become a Reiki Master. I need school. As I said I’m craving knowledge and I am doing A LOT of internal healing from years of burdens and with the knowledge I’ll recieve I will be able to heal not only myself more effectively but also help others heal in so many ways. 

I love helping people and animals so this form of healing will be quite beneficial not only for myself but with work, friends, and family as well. I work with many special needs dogs. I call them special needs because they need more than other dogs. Perhaps they need trust building due to past abuse, or they need a grounded, firm, yet gentle human who won’t allow them to act like a jerk and expect them to behave accordingly. What I do makes me passionate about rehabilitation in all things; human, animal, even plants. So learning even more about energy and chakras I feel I’ll make an even bigger impact on my clients and future clients.

So here’s to 25 and beginning my life.

Advertisements

All Questions with No Answers

Is it not true that when someone hurts you most people wish for revenge or that the other person recieves karma?

Have you ever asked yourself how much cruelty one man or woman can take? How much hurt do you need to inflict before you realize all thats happening is take take take. 

What if some people have nothing left to give so fear set in and takes over any and all pieces that once let them give?

Punishment is appropriate for crimes and wrong doings but how can one recieve punishment when there is no conversation about when it will end or when we can begin healing?

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself if thats enough? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself everyday, are you good enough? Only to have a demon smile in the back telling you “no” so that way you remain pinned down so broken not sure you could ever be whole.

Let me tell you its a feeling that can’t be undone. Its a feeling of torture within yourself. When you are so hard on yourself and feel like the world will probably cave in. What do you do when you are drowning and there is no boat yet you’re still kicking trying to stay afloat. The people you love most can’t reach you and the one who can, just won’t.

How much can one person take before they simply stop trying all together? Believing this is the last time they’ll have to fight only for there to be three others times to fall to pieces.

The heart can grow cold and shut down. Numbness sets in. How weird is it when all you want is to feel and yet you cant feel the warmth of any touch. Have you ever asked yourself if this is worth all its supposed to be? If you cut out the bullshit am I the woman I am meant to be? Are you the man whose supposed to love me unconditionally?

You can give me no answer because the answer I seek is an action not a word. I am in shambles, leaving scattered pieces of myself all over the ground. Inflicted wounds on both sides and yet I still carry hope. I’d fight the toughest demons just to know why I am not whole. 

I wish I knew what you were thinking but thats not the point is it…the key here is to keep me guessing, keep me thinking , but perhaps there is no reason at all and I am simply overthinking.